Wednesday, August 25, 2010


ughhhh.. my weight's not dropping. I feel like I wanna exercise. It's been a long time since I've danced (my way oof exercising). I'm thinking of learning *SNSD>Genie and *After school>Because of you. I don't know why but i like the cheography. it's challeging. but i'm really a fan of SNSD nor After school. Oh well?

*snaps finger* I just remembered. I wanna be tall! I'm hoping to achieve at least 160 or 158 by the end of this year. n_n but the sad thing is no one supports me *sigh* I'm sure I can still grow. I just gotta put faith and also find more tips on how to grow . .. 160cm ! i'll definitely reach there soon

Beautiful Friends

continuing. ..

fairy> you are also one of the person that helped me change. I beleive that you were the one that invited me to go out fo rthe first time in my life. I can't beleive it when you suddenly just ask me to go with you guys to but stuff for class. I was like a dream. Also Kemy for always being cheerful and helpful. Thank you both very much.

well, actually i have more to say but I'll just cut it short. I don't know why I'm writing this but I just suddnely feel like telling the world. hehe >_< . You guys are so good to me and so wonderful. I wish I could be like you guys. I know you will read this post sooner or later but I hope you won't treat me any different like I'm a helpless girl. No. I'm not a helpless girl anymore. I wanna be strong but along the way I will need your help n_n. thanks so much for being my friend and also for still being my friends. I hope that one day I can help you guys just as much as you have done for me. and also that we'll always be friends forever

Lie? Suffering ? Tortured or just Happiness?

i don't know why but sometimes I feel like my life's is a bit meaningless. Well, I'm not just trying to say that only 'MY' life is meanningless. I'm sure there' lots of other people out there that feel this way too. Hmm.. i think the only year that I've felt 'ALIVE' is in 2008. That was the year when i took the UPSR exam. Fo rsome reason I was in the happy lad. I mean, I finally got friends after like 3 years at that school and I've found love (for once) ^_^ and also the most important, is that my family (parents) put no pressure on me. Even though I've never gotten 5A's during the whole school years b4 the UPSR but they seem to beleive in me. How much I missed those precious memories. My friends ... *sigh*

But as soon as the school days was over. There seem to be a huge change in my life. I seem to returned back to where I was always alone. I was trap back in a dark corner where no one would help me as they pass by.. T-T .. the most tortureful year was last year 2009. How i hated those memories. Usually people say their junior years in middle school are the best memories but,.. not fo rme. For me, those were soo painful that I could hae cried for days the whol eyear long. t_t..

As I thought i was still going to be tortured for the next ew years of my life, then came this year 2010. The year which seemed to have saved my life from the suffering. I guess it al started when I decided to make changes. Well, I've decided ot chnage myself a long time ago but never had the courage. Cause I was scared, scared that I would be judged, scared that I would be critisized , and also scared that I would be hated. I always pretend to be strong but deep here, I know I'm just a weak girl who always needs support to survive. *sigh* Why can't I be strong like my friends who are not scared to speak their mind. I'm always too cautious when I do anything because I'm afraid, afraid that I'll hurt their feelings even in the most tiniest way, afraid that they would avoid me.

But this year, I've changed, I think I was able to express my self like how I am at home. It was a hard prosess but i did it. , even though I managed to express myself better a bit , to me that's a lot of progress.. I guess it's all thanks to my friends. Especially, Cuwa. when, i first saw her she seemed bright, cheerful and full happiness. I was so amazed to see her like that. I think she was one of the first person to start to open back my heart and made me realiazed that this world is not as cruel as I thought. One recess, my friend had forgotten that she was on duty , so she immediately left. So, there i was eating at the canteen alone. *sigh* -_-, suddenly, Cuwa and Fairy, you were like angels who rescued me from drwoning in the pit of darkness. Thank you so much. There, as I was eating. Cuwa said "Alone?, why didn't you tell us? Next time don't ever have recess alone". I was so shocked and surprised to hear her say that. I can't beleive that she would talk to me let alone 'force' me to never have recess alone. (I was so happy that day)

The next day, I thought it was all a dream so, I continued to have recess alone cause I thought that 'why should they waste their time to go with me ?'. But, then she caught me alone on recess. Can you imagine this? She scold me for not inviting her to recess and having recess alone. That time, I secretly pinched myself and knew I was not dreaming. Thank you so much. ... continue

Monday, August 23, 2010


Hey, today we finally got our class T-shirt after a long wait. (well, actually it wasn't that long) Anyway, when we got it this morning, from the looks on their faces not many of my classmate were satisfied with it. To me it looked good. I don't really see the down side of it. But, either way who do they want to blame? When i showed the shirt to my mom she immediately said it was pretty but after looking it for awhile she said " I prefer your sister's T-shirt", *o* . I was a bit shocked. I mean, I didn't even compared it to my sis's shirt. *sigh* What to do? I guess we all just have to accept it, just like fate ..

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Since now is the month of Ramadhan (when we muslims fast) and only eat like twice a day only. Of course our body would go through changes right? Well, its most probably and likely to get slim and lost weight. Last time I weighed was like early June and my weight was 41 (my height is 155cm) . After i went to SUKBEL, my weight drop 2kg to 39 . It's probably because I didn't ate for like 1 and a half day cause the food they served were fish and vegs. I mean, I'm not that picky of an eater but what can I do. What i don't eat, I won't eat. So, anyway. Just now after my family finished our meal after a day of not eating. My dad said "Hey, we should measure our weights and see by the end of the month to see the difference."

At first of course, I don't want to. I mean, I was stuffed just now. (We had Lasagnea-is this spelling, right?) SO, I now weigh 40kg. NO!!! to me that's heavy cause until I am 160cm I don't wanna be in the 40kg range. *sigh* even my big bro os 49kg. (That's light for a guy) He said the last time he weighed he was 56! 56 people! that's a HUGE difference! *sigh*

Okay, from now. Excersice ! Dance! It's been awhile since I last danced. n_n - Hope next time weighing i'll be 38kg n_n (I think that's possible)

Friday, August 20, 2010


Every year on the 31st of August the whole country would take a holiday as that day was the day Malaysia became an independence country, a country that is not ruled by any other bigger countries. Since, now is the month of August, our school have organised lots of activities that is about Independence Day. And one of them is that to decorate the class with the independence theme. So, lots of flags are put up.

Today, at 2.30pm, We (my class) decided to decorate our class. My job wasn't much. Just put up some crunched newspaper (recycle people, don't kill more trees) and then paint over it. It was fun and of course tiring. My neck went stiff after looking up for so long while painting. I took some pictures.

Besides that, nothing really happened. Oh! and remember in the mid-year where i told about going to SUKBEL the 6 day camp? (did i tell ? or not?) I showed to my friend the pic that I took with him. And she said he was cute. (duh, of course) then, she showed the picture to my other friend and teacher and they both thought he was cute. .... I still can't believe that I took that picture with him. n_n

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Yum Yummy.. n_n

Hey, i did it again. I cooked kuew tiau again 'and for the third time i think it is the best so far. Well, like the saying goes; ' Third times the charm" The color and taste is really good this time compared to the previous. Here's the pictures for evidence n_n

Set the truth!

You know how I always complain about the guys in my class. Well, today it seems like they crossed the line! They've been bullying this other guy in my class who is a good friend and have always always been patient. But, the bullying that they did today really seemed to have crossed the line. After they did what they did (hide away his shoe in the class) they acted as if they did nothing. NOTHING! I mean seriously what kind of person would do that and none , NONE of them looks like they feel guilty! As a friend I feel the pain that he is suffering. And so did some , no most of the girls in the class.

After that, my friends and I went to Caunselling Room and made a session. We tried not to tell that they did that and all but in the end we gave up and just set the truth. We told i guess almost everything. I even told about how the dumped trash in my bag and when telling it I can feel back the pain which hurt so much and also when I heard my friends' stories, ... we all cried .. i mean .. we're human beings.. Human beings have feelings and we have the right to protect those feelings. I just don't understand why they could all do that?

You know, earlier this year, they weren't so bad. Of course they still weren't 'good' but they were okay. But, I just don't know what made them to suddenly take a huge leap from ' a bit naughty' to becoming ' horribly worse'. I just really hope they find back their tracks because if that happens, it'll happen for the befinit of both parties.


yah, sorry for not updating this blog for like .... a few weeks. I can't really be on the computer cause my pendrive got full of viruses from the school computer which immediately got tranfered to the computer when I plug in the pendrive. T-T *sigh* What to do? Now, I can only open the 'Internet Explorer' and I can't even open 'google Chrome' or 'Mozila Firefox'. Plus I can't scan anything and all the stuff in my pendrive is doom.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Thank you

FAiry, my dear friend, Thanks soo much for yesterday. I never would have thought that I would go to the cinema.

Yesterday, my friend Fairy ♥ and her family invited me to go and watch 'The Last Airbender' I was soo shocked and surprised by the invite as teh reason I went to her place is to help take care of Minho♥ (I miss you) . I thinkI've been neglecting my responsibility as I was the one who was so excited about talking care of it. Either way, thanks n_n

Friday, August 6, 2010

STRESS!!! =_=

This is the longest and stressful week I think I've ever had. I don't know why but it's just stressful. Well, most of the stress comes from my health plus the stress from my classmates and lots more. But to be exact there's soo little amount of school wrok that needs to be done.

I cried like a lot of times this week cause of stress. I can't beleive it. It is just too stressful. i don't think I've ever been this stressful even when I was doing the StarNIE project .

Okay since I'm all better (i think) I'll just stop here I guess cause I don't feel like talking about thos stressful things. Oh yeah, and my computer is now in a really BAD condition so, I'll try my best to keep updating this blog. n_n

p.s ; I just read a manga about this girl who writes a blog novel.. hmm.. I'm thinking of making one too ^-^

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Ughh.. today was a HUGE mess. I don't know why but today me personality was so weird. Not to say that I'm always nice to anything but today I think i was being really mean.

First of all I want to apologize to my dearest friend FAiry. I know we haven't been friends for so long but I've come to think of you as of of the dearest friends of mine.
I'm so sorry, I don't know why but it just came out of my mouth. Trust me I really had no bad intentions :C . Besides fairy, I also want to apologize to my sempais (seniors in japanese) TOday, for some reason this mouth won't shut -_-' I don't know if you (my sempais) can hear this apology or not but the thought still counts, right? (maybe not) .. But still I'm sorry T-T Sorry, 申し訳ありません, 미안하게 생각하는, t s

I hope you all forgive me. ^~^ . Today, I felt really bad .. (literally) . 1st cause I said all those bad things. 2nd for some reason my stomach hurt and so did my head. Oh, speaking of stomach hurt, I borrowed Fairy's minyak Yoo-yi (is this the right spelling?) And then, I upset her before I can even thank her for it.. Ughhh.. the guilt is killing me! :C.. FAiry, sorry 미안하게

Monday, August 2, 2010


Yes. I finally finished fasting! Wohoo~ Wow~ today felt soo long. Tomorrow I can eat again. Till next week. :C I think we have 9 days left till the month of Ramadhan (the month where we have to fast all month) welcomes us.

Just for laughs? = NO!

WARNING! The text below may contain some excessive emotions such as hatred. Please be aware that I am just letting out my feelings and not blaming anyone. If anyone feel as do the feelings in content below is meant for them please take responsibility. The content below only contains the truth. Please be awared

Today wasn't exactly the greatest day. In fact it was almost the opposite :C *note: today I'm fasting and i didn't woke up early to eat something so, practically I'm starving here*

Since, I'm fasting I don't have to go anywhere during recess. So, I just stood outside the classroom and talked to some of my friends. After recess was Geography. Our teacher was a bit late. So, during that time, my friends wanted to paste some stickers to make the class look good. While I was helping (not really helping; more like supervising :D) suddenly, one of the guys in my class called me and told me to see what a friend of mine did. And of course, they (the guys) did it!

They are just the bunch of idiots that have no idea to do anything good! *huh* Take that! :P (really angry >:P) Sorry, I haven't told you yet what they did ... They dumped all their trash (food wrappers, plastic and even a polystyrene cup) into my bag. There were not like one or two but quite a few especially chocolate/candy wrappers. SO, I took them out of my bag and told them to get rid of it. But, the most idiotic guy who thinks he's so great (again sorry, really pouring out what's in the heart) but actually the fact is he's NOT! said; "Hey, when our geography teacher comes let's tell her that (I) did it", at that moment I couldn't think and went to him and slapped him at the arm. But, since I'm fasting I can't do bad things. HE's so lucky that I'm fasting cause I really wanted to slap him (at the face) plus when I'm hit him it wasn't even that hard.

After that they all laughed. I mean are they stupid or dumb or something? Not only did the guys laugh, even some of the girls did too.. I don't know why but my friends were too busy placing stickers that they did not even come to me. Okay, fine, Maybe I was just hoping too much. I should know how to stick for myself. Then, I went and get the broom and dustpan and sweep the mess that those idiot don't know how to clean! They all just watched and did nothing but continued their ... whatever!

DOne sweeping I went to the back of the class to find my friends so absorbed in the stickers. What can I do? I can't just go to them and complain like a child? But, after a few seconds I couldn't take it. It was too much. I mean, it was horrible for them to dumped trash that we ate and then laugh and what's worst was they just watched me sweep it! Who do they think I am some sort of person who has no feelings? Well, their WRONG! Just cause for some reason I'm nice and can't really yelled or be mad at people doesn't mean I can't feel what their doing. Stupid peoples. >:P

(continuing) Before tears could drop, I went to the toilet alone. I was lucky as not to be seen crying by anyone. But, as soon as I reach the bathroom, immediately, tears start to form. I don't know why but it just won't stop. Why? Was it too much? I don't think so, but it really really hurt T-T I think, if it wasn't for that junior I would probably cry until one of my classmate come and ask me what's wrong. Thank you 감사합니다 ありがとう, n_n

I thought that she would just ignore me, crying there at the corner but she asked me "hey, are you okay?" , "why are you crying?", That moment I remembered again that I'm not alone, I have friends. Just because I suffered most of my life doesn't mean that I'll always keep suffering. I just have to keep look up and ahead. But, at that time, i was so touch but her simple yet meaningful question, I just burst into tears ans told her about those idiots . What to do? I was filled with rage. Then, she had to go she asked me what class am I in. SO i told her and exchanged it with her. Then, I knew that she was a junior. I think that she was so brave to just talk to a person that is her senior. I think I wanna be able to be like that; to be able to just talk to anyone without feeling discouraged .. Either way, still thank you ^_^ . Your deed, I will always remember.

After that, I don't feel like crying and also thought that the teacher is probably already in class. I went and tried to control my feelings for a while, but sooner or later their gonna ask for something. I know it way too well. As expected one of the main idiots ; アイマン called my name from behind, since I don't want to yell i just pretended like i didn't hear it.

Time flew by fast, and it's last period. アイマン switched place with the guy in front of me. I knew it sooner or later I would have to talk to him. It wasn't that I didn't want to forgive but (well, actually i did forgave him, for some reasons ; i don't know why?) I want him to know that what he did was really, terrible, horrible, mean , evil etc. We all finished our exercise early so the teacher told us to do anything. While, I was talking to my friend ミミ, ハニフ, my class monitor told me to call アイマン for him. .. Okay, you're probably bored listening to my story.. so, to cut it short, basically he talked to me and it was impossible to ignore so, I told him to APOLOGIZE! Then, after a few seconds of wasted breathe he finally apologized . SO, That's it I guess..

P.S : Since It's so hard for me to explain to you what happened (as in tell you who is who) I'll just simple put their "names" using the Japanese Hiragana . or is it Kanji.